My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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