did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
