I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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