yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
