So drunk its hurt
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
