pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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