I showed him my bush... on skype.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
