yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
