your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
