Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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