why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
