Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize