my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
