i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
