I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
