this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
