Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
