idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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