There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
