Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
