the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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