Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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