i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
