Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
