I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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