i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
