Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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