By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
