We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
