Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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