The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
