So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
