First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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