I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
