My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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