you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize