oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
