The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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