We're like a lot better than the average bears
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
