i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
