I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm at about main and main street
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
