Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My dick has a subreddit
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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