remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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