I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
