good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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