I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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