definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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