I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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