I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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