I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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