dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
