But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
