Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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