why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
