OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
