Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
