the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
