mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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