I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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