I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
