hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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