I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
