Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
