Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
