I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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