This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's rum buckets o'clock
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
