That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
