He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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