The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i out mim tonsoeep
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
