Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
