Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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