she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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