dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize