Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
