I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
