I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
