I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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