i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize